Therapists Now Required to Carry Emotional Liability Insurance

By Pen Umbra, Feelings Correspondent (Certified Level 6)

NEW HAVEN SPRAWL, EMOTIONAL ZONE C — Following a rise in what experts call “emotional whiplash incidents,” licensed therapists are now legally required to carry Emotional Liability Insurance (ELI) to protect against client-induced psychic harm.

“We’re not saying all clients are emotionally reckless,” said Kalien Drohl, Chair of the Mental Health Oversight Board. “But when someone trauma-dumps a nine-hour childhood saga and ghost-reconnects their 3D ex in the same session? That’s a workplace hazard.”

The new regulation mandates that therapists receive annual recalibration, upload their empathy logs, and wear Mood Stabilizer collars during high-risk appointments.

Despite objections from the Guild of Sentient Listeners, the policy passed with bipartisan support in the NeoSenate, thanks to a touching filibuster by Senator Grieves (D-Overgrown Manhattan), who spent 19 hours recounting their strained relationship with their pet counselor, a golden retriever named GregBot.

Insurance companies are adapting quickly. One popular provider, Feelsurance™, now offers a tiered plan:

• Basic (Covers Microcries™ & minor overshares)

• Gold (For cyclical self-sabotage & ghost reappearances)

• Platinum+ (Includes 'Mom Was Right' moments and spiral loops)

  
  

“We’re seeing therapists treated less like humans and more like firewalls for other people’s instability,” said Dr. Elenni Sharp, who retired after a patient tried to Venmo her a heartbreak playlist mid-session.

Therapists like Dr. Elenni Sharp are required to present Emotional Liability Insurance before sessions begin — a safeguard against psychic overload in an era where feelings come with legal disclaimers.

Despite protests, the trend continues. As of next quarter, therapists will also be eligible for hazard pay when dealing with clients who say “I’m fine” and clearly mean “I need to scream into a synthetic void.”