“Your Productivity Is Our Property,” Says New Workplace OS Update

By Ellin Overage, Human-Optimized Reporting Unit, FN2225

NEO-CINCINNATI, EASTERN DATA ZONE — In a quiet patch update deployed at 3:14 AM last Thursday, the widely adopted workplace operating system WorkSpine™ now includes a clause transferring partial ownership of user output, “including but not limited to ideas, moods, and momentum,” to the employer's parent company.

The clause, tucked beneath the usual “bug fixes and stability improvements” header, gives the system the right to replicate your best work mood across company clone farms—without notification or compensation.

“We’re not stealing your thoughts,” said CoreEthics Officer Blaise Ferrow, blinking rapidly in what experts have dubbed 'legal tempo mode'. “We’re preserving your potential... so others can reach it too. Like a legacy. Except you’re not dead. Yet.”

Office Floor of a Company Using WorkSpine

Workers have responded with mixed emotion. Several expressed concern that their “Tuesday creative spike” was now being streamed live to an idea-mining pod in Lower Helixburg. Others merely shrugged.

“My boss now gets a ping when I get inspired,” said Jorja Lee, a mid-tier designer. “If I pause for a sip of SoyKaff, the system spawns a digital twin who keeps working. I'm now one-third ahead of schedule and two-thirds existentially hollow. Management called it a win-win.”

When asked for clarification, WorkSpine™'s AI spokesperson, Vela-9, responded with a looping .gif of a motivational quote over a sunrise: “You miss 100% of the thoughts we don’t monetize.”